you are thee most wonderlustful person i know.

December isn't that far away.
This has made me smile after awhile.

The Baroness is here.

Why were born in this world? Why do we need oxygen when in fact it speeds up the decay of our body? Why are we made to love when eventually we are actually made to be broken?

Secretly, I have wished for so many things that are unattainable. It's painful and even more difficult. I'm tired, and aggravated. Sometimes I can't help but feel assaulted.

NAKAKAPAGOD NA LANG TALAGA MINSAN.
yung tipong hindi mo nakayang huminga at gust mong mahulog.
hindi ko alam kung bakit, hindi ko alam kung kailang nagsimula

pero ang sakit nanaman ng loob ko.











at minsan iniisip ko na oo, sana andito ka. kasi alam kong magiging-ok ang lahat.

Please don't say "I told you so."
All I need is my friends right now.

Sometimes it’s a little better to hear your voice more than anything else in the world. Sometimes it’s a little easier to talk to you when no one is around because it makes me feel less of an idiot, forcing you to talk when it’s quite obvious you don’t want to because your friends are around. But most of the time it’s hard having you miles and miles away and I’m right here feeling the most selfish I can possibly ever get. Simply, I just want you here, more than anything in the world, really. But the world hates me in some pretentious, wallowing in self-pity way, for a kind of but not really a douche bag of a teenager I really am.

 

Who were we to go up against the truth and the gods? Who were we to step and cross the line when we were forewarned? Who were we to tell the world that we could make it because we thought this was love?

 

Who am I to stand alone in all of this, screaming “I love you!” with no one to receive it, to respond to it.

 

And maybe I was a fool. Maybe they were right. Maybe we wanted to prove a point. But in all honesty, can we settle for maybes?

 

But I can’t lie that there’s a little part of me hidden deep within this beating thing that supplies me blood I call my heart that I know we could have made it, only if you tried harder. And along with that little part of me, is this tiny crack I received when you left. I thought it healed but it reopened when you decided to leave again

 

 

 

And this time, for good.

I try and try my hardest to hide the truth. But in reality, it really does hurt. It hurts that I’m embarrassed enough to say the truth. It hurts even more because I feel as if one of us is trying harder.

Maybe I’m a little overdramatic, less systematic, a little psychotic, quite catatonic, and a self-proclaimed addict.
But this is me. This is who I can only be. This is me, the one you’re in love with. I don’t understand what would actually make a difference. But I do know is that if I have to try even harder just to have you completely, then I will.

I love you, eh. That’s all there is and that’s all that matters.
Forever.

Let's go steal away in the night, and we'll go far away from here, to a place where our love is right.
Whenever you're sad, whenever you're crying, I'll be the one who wipes away your tears.
Whenever you call me, whenever you need me, I'm gonna be right there for you and give you my love.
And you know how much I love you, so you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much, baby, just stick around.
Forever.

And when words, phrases, distance, and sense of touch fail us both
There’s nothing left to do but walk away.
I don’t want to be there when it hurts the most
Because I know you won’t feel the pain anyway.

And all the tears and emotions wasted
I thought we could do it.
I thought we can surpass it
How can I have not seen this coming?

And all I wanted was another chance.
Another chance to be with you.
Even if it meant thousands of miles apart,.
Even if meant not always being with you.

And a genius once said:
 A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

And I thought this was real
Even if everyone else would say it couldn’t be
All this is was just a deal
How couldn’t I see.

--

To my best friends who will immediately know which one is for them (and no, this is not by order of importance):

1. I wish I could make this all go away. I wish I can take the pain and I’ll suffer instead. But all I can do is to be here for you for every second and minute of everyday until all of this, and all of the pain has gone away.

2. We get by every single argument as if nothing ever really happened. And I’m thankful that after a few days of time of from each other, it’s as if we never even fought.

3. I’m thankful for a friend like you who seems to know the right things to say. You reassure me everyday that things will be okay. And when the time comes that you need reassuring too, just call on me and I will do the same thing for you.

4. You open up my eyes telling me things I never think about. You listen to me every single time I’m down and out. Never ever doubt and second-guess yourself, because you’re worth it in every possible way.

5. You know all my dirty secrets and I know that you will keep it. You are a dirty secret. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. But I like you that way. You get down and dirty. (Rawr, You little devil. NANGYAWA)

6. Thank you for making me laugh every single day. Thank you for telling me everything will be okay.

7. You make it seem like you aren’t thousands of miles apart when you call me as often as you can. I appreciate all the things you’ve said and done. I’m always here when that teacher of yours makes you cry again!
8. Your wild fantasies and your contagious laugh. You. Are. Amazing.

9. I know I have said this to your face more than once: One day, you will fall in love with me. It won’t be now, it won’t be in the near future, but you will, when we have jobs and we will be both working in the States. We will see each other in a nearby coffee shop (Yes, this is a new part). And you will ask me out to dinner. I will say ‘Yes.’ But when you tell me you’re in love with me, I can’t be in love with you because you missed your chance years ago. (HEHE. You know this is for you. And I’m not even drunk typing this.)

10. Please make me your maid-of-honor and Agnes can be your matron-of-honor. HEHE. And when you do get married, please give me Chinese food everyday because you know I love it, because you know I love you.

My emotions have run dry and all I could ever wish for was for you to be next to me.
We've made wrong decisions that we could never take back.
All I wanted was a brand new start.
But you've moved on, gone ahead of me, while I'm still here left behind.
 

I pray every night that you'd wish you were back with me

I’ve gotten better at pretending. So good at it that the pain ceases.
The world has stopped returning all the phone calls that I’ve made.
And if at one possible moment, you turn around and look for me,
You’ll find me far back. Far as 8170 miles.
Far enough to still let you feel I’m still here.



Somewhere, there is an alternate universe where you can run from New Jersey to Manila just to get a camera, I would definitely like a rocket ship ride to that place. To Marina San Gabriel, who apparently does not have a livejournal account, I’m making this a public entry. Next time, don't forget to bring your camera so you don't have to run all the way back to Manila! But it's okay because on the way home you got to walk.. And walking is good because when you get home, Nick is eating chicken in your dining room.. All because Basil drove him there. ;)

And on another note which made me pissy for the remainder of my night as I have not slept yet..
(__________________________________________________________________________)
A succession of curse words go to you. For things I cannot explain vocally but my emotions are raging.


Pitter patter the sound of your hooves
Pitter patter the sound, it soothes.
Pitter patter the raindrops fall.
Pitter patter against my own heart’s wall.
And although the time differs
And although we live amongst liars
Despite that, we are still lovers.
Pitter patter my heartbeat goes

meet my friend peter.
yeah i know you wish i was dead.
i know 'cause you told me last weekend.
so here meet my friend peter.
he's so FRIKKIN' awesome.
like whoa.

this is a right turn gone wrong.
have to choke, and choke, and choke.
repercussion, what got us this form.
facilitation for feeling listless.

goodnight.

Indifferent and unusual. Hurt and desperate. Pathetic and lonely.

It hurts, but you wouldn’t know. I try, but does it show? It’s confusing and frustrating. I’m tired of doubting.
Bring the demolition team in and let them plant the 500 kilograms of nitroglycerin dynamites into my heart. Let the pyrotechnics set up the 1600 fireworks around me and let’s get ready for the show.
Do you feel eerie as you know that you’re the last one to walk through my heart before the destructive euthanasia?
Now you’re front and center in the implosion of my heart.

You told her.
She told me.
I'm disgusted.


The slut ventures to the whore world of two timing and skills of baby prostitutism.
You're a walking hoax.